when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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