whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
