Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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