He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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