Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
