you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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