I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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