If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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