Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
