I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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