so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We left an ass print on the piano.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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