I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
