idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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