i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
