If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
where am i from again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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