I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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