her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
