that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
