What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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