Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize