keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize