I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
