The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i can run in heels then i can drive
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
