when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
