he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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