Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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