The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
