dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
