thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
