There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
