He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
