babies were throwing up all over the place
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
