i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
