At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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