Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are we still banned from the library?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
