smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize