We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
