apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
