I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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