Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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