Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
