Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize