he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
