I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
