she smelled like a LAN party
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
