Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
