Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
4 words: hood of his car
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
