i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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