I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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