i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
