We won't sleep together?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
where are my eyebrows?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
