No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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