Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bring me that man meat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize