You made me cry and you don't even care
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
