This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's blow job season.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
