this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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