Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
