considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize