remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
