I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
