if only i could text you this smell
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
