Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They took my balls.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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