also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
