in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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