put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
