youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
