Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
