Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just had sex on a roof
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
