just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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