I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I did not marry a roomba.
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