I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize