I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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