I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize