I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
