then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
