i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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