Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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