I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
